


not fair

by pinklesbian



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Suicide, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 08:15:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinklesbian/pseuds/pinklesbian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you see her in your dreams<br/>all the time</p>
            </blockquote>





	not fair

**Author's Note:**

> ive always fantasized about john killing himself to be with vriska

You see her in your dreams. All the time. You're afraid to even close your eyes because you might see her face again. That face...

It's stunning. She's beautiful, and you're in love with her. But she's... been gone for so long. You can never be with her. It's not fair. Why did you get cursed with such a fate? To love a girl you can't have? You've never done anything wrong. You don't deserve this. She may have done some bad things, but she didn't deserve it either.

When you sleep, she tells you stories, and when you're awake, you can still hear her voice. It is soft and reassuring, having grown gentler over the years. 

God, you miss her. So much. Too much. 

It hurts.

You've been hurting for three years. 

When you see her you try to hide it. You try to look happy, despite your heart feeling like it's being crushed. Every time you see her it sinks to your stomach, and when you wake up it's still there. 

Sometimes you pray that you can sleep dreamlessly. It never happens, though. You think she would probably miss you if you didn't come to see her. You wonder if she feels the same pain. The same deep, searing pain. 

It's too much. You can't take it anymore. You've spent three years loving her and three years missing her and you've been alive for three years too long. 

You quietly lock your door. You feel bad for whoever finds you afterward, but there isn't enough guilt in the world to keep you alive. You write a letter to your friends. You say you're sorry. You are, after all. You don't want to think about what it'll be like for them, so you don't. You tell them it's not their fault, though they know you've never really forgiven the girl who took her from you. 

You've taken a handgun from the kid who looks like you. He's kind of stupid, and he probably didn't notice.

You don't want to think about the process, and you don't want to back out of it, so you quickly put the gun to your head and...

...

...

...

"John? Is that you?"

"I'm sorry, Vriska."

**Author's Note:**

> sorry its only like 5 words i havent written anything in a long time


End file.
